Sunday, September 26, 2010

Something that Makes Me Cry

What doesn't make me cry?  I'm so tenderhearted! 

Singing Holy, Holy, Holy at church makes me cry in a good way.

Remembering the day Brandon died and how I hurt for Susan, still makes me cry.

Seeing strays on the side of the road, knowing I can't help them.  I want to rescue every stray dog I see.  One day, I hope to have a shelter for rescued dogs where they can live happily ever after.

Being ignored makes me cry.

I hate not knowing if I really mean anything to someone I care deeply for.  That makes me cry.

Something that makes me feel better

Another list:

1. Walking into the house and the boys have cleaned up
2. Walking into the house with Jamie there to greet me like he hasn't seen me in a year - he nearly wiggles out of his skin
3. Talking to my friends and laughing at nothing
4. Going to the beach
5. Getting hugs from my boys

Something that Upsets Me

I have a couple of things that upset me:

1. Being ignored.  I think that is the worst feeling....
2.Working yourself to the bone and not being recognized for it
3.Dead animals on the side of the road

Another Moment

This moment in my life seemed like it lasted forever.  I know it was many hours but it was wayyy too long! 

Hurricane Andrew - August 1992.

I was newly married and we knew that the Hurricane was coming.  We didn't evacuate, because Brad had to work (Marine Corps), so I went down to Homestead to a friends house to ride out the storm.  I'd lived in Miami my whole life and the closest we came to a Hurricane was Hurricane David - where the streets flooded and we got to canoe down the street after the storm.  I wasn't worried.  I figured we'd lose power and trees.  Brad and the rest of his gang were told to go home around 7pm that evening, so he came over to Kelly and Kelley's house with our cat.  (Kelly and Kelley are our married friends - boy Kelly and girl Kelley).  So, it was me and Brad, the Kelly's and their two kids - like 7 and 10 years old, their dog Gator and girl Kelley's sister, who lived on Miami Beach and her one whole wall was floor to ceiling windows.  She felt safer in a house. 

So, we had a couple of Margaritas and played Scattegories until the lights started flickering.  We went outside and it was just weird how the clouds were swirling and the rain came down in gusts.  We went back inside as the power went out.  We got out the flashlights and turned on the battery radio to get Brian Norcross to tell us what was happening.  The wind picked up and so did the rain.  I honestly don't know what time it was by this point but maybe midnight?  We heard things hitting the house and shingles being ripped off, so we made our way into the hallway.  Girl Kelley, the kids, her sister and I went into the closet in the hallway and Brad and Kelly stayed in the hallway with mattresses over them. 

This is hard to write about even now.  It was so scary.  The storm got really loud and we heard part of the roof tear off and blow away.  We were now sopping wet and sitting in about 2 inches of water.  Brad was holding my hand and I was praying that we wouldn't die.  We heard what sounded like trains but later found out that there were many tornadoes that ripped through Homestead.  We were in the worst hit place - not even a mile from the Homestead AFB. 

When the eye of the storm hit, we ran into the Kelly's big walk in closet  in their bedroom and waited for the back end of the storm.  None of us spoke.  We knew the worst was yet to come.  As the tail end hit, part of their roof in their bedroom was torn off.  Kelly yelled at us to go back in the hallway.  We ran as fast as we could.  Kelly was the last one out and he slammed the door shut and held on.  He didn't want that door to open and the debris from their room or anything that was coming through the roof to fly into the hallway.  He held onto that door for at least two hours.  It had to have been pure adrenilan (sp).  The worst part of that was Gator was stuck on the other side and he was barking and whining the whole time but Kelly didn't dare open the door.  Kelly just kept talking to him and Gator kept barking - as long as he was barking, we knew he was okay. 

At this point - all I could hear were the tornadoes-  ripping through.  I prayed then asking God to make our deaths quick and painless.  I really thought we were going to die. 

And then the sun started coming up.  The rain and the wind started dwindling.  Then we heard a knock at the front door.  We got up and the walls around the front door were gone, but the door was standing.  It was the next door neighbor checking on us.  We laughed that he didnt just walk around the door to get inside, but he said it might be rude... lol.  We walked out into this dawn morning to see a glorious sunrise but also to see that every house would be completely totalled.  The Kelly's roof was all but gone.  What was standing were the walls to the hallway and their front door.  Oh and her china cabinet didn't have a scratch on it.  Gator was okay and survived in the room with no roof for over two hours.  We were so exhausted, we all pulled up chairs in the driveway and fell asleep for a few hours.  We woke up and it was over 90 degrees - go figure and of course 90 percent humidity.  It was horrible.  We drove around in shock at the city I grew up in.  It was destroyed.  But we survived,  thank the Lord.  It was probably the scariest times of my life......

Saturday, September 25, 2010

This Month

This month.... Jake turned 15 years old....my sweet Pip.

This month.... our new fiscal year at work just began and I am swamped.

This month.... I am saying goodbye to a friend who is moving and I am very, very sad about it.

Something I Regret

There is one thing I regret in my life.  I honestly don't regret much in my life - other than I should I should have spent more in NYC at someone else's expense than I did ... haha.

But, what I really regret is what I did to Julie H.  Julie was one of my best friends in high school.  She was dating A.  She then moved back home to Michigan and I started dating A.  I didn't tell her.  He didn't tell her.  I finally ended up telling her and lost her friendship for a very long time.  We are friends now but of course it's not the same.  I am glad I had that I had that relationship because it taught me a lot of lessons.  But, I wish I hadn't done it at my friends expense. 

My Favorite Birthday

This one is easy!  I turned 32 and my boys and our neighbor Hynsookie took charge.  It had to have been a Saturday or Sunday.  I had baked myself a cake that morning and later that afternoon, I decided that taking a nap was what I deserved most (surprise)!  So, I went upstairs and tried to sleep, I could hear the boys planning but couldn't hear what they were saying.  There was a lot of whispering as they tromped up and down the stairs.  Finally, they couldn't take it anymore and knocked on my door.  They told me to close my eyes before I opened the door.  When I did, the whole staircase was decorated with curly cue colored pipe cleaners.  There was even a dollar taped to the wall!  I came downstairs, amazed at the creativity they used with our crafts.  They had even cut the cake and I had a whole plateful of cake with every candle they could find on it! 

That is definitely my best birthday and one of my favorite memories.

I do have to add that my second favorite birthday was when I spent my birthday in Gatlinburg with the kids - I think I was 35.  We had a great time and my girl Kathi came and brought me cute gifts and a cake.  I am so blessed!

My Favorite Memory

Okay - this isn't hard but of course, I have two favorite memories.  The birth of my babies :)

Cole - Brad and I decided to go to Lamaze classes.  We saw the videos of babies being born without drugs.  I was like, "No problem - if they can do it, I can do it".  That is until the labor pains decided to be more than I thought they could be.  Too bad for me, I was too far along for an epidural.  I was so tense, I wouldn't dialate but they couldn't get me the epidural.  To make things worse, I had a male doctor and 2 male nurses and my husband standing there like my head was spinning around.  I pointed at each of them and said, " F' you, F you, F you, and F you!  I want drugs and I want them now!" (not my proudest moment) They were able to give me something in my IV to help me relax and then it was time to push.  That sweet little angel was perfect.  He had strawberry blonde hair and a really, really large conehead from being stuck so long.  Bless his heart.  The minute I saw him, I was in awe.  What a miracle.  Thank you, Lord for him.

Jake - my sweet little Pippy was two weeks late and I was as big as a house.  The minute my 14th day came, I called the hospital and told them I was on my way and they better have a bed....I called at 5am.  I also told them to find the anesthesiologist because I was having an epidural as soon as possible!  We got to the hospital and they thought they'd have to induce but it was God's perfect timing because I had started to contract.  I got my room, and had to wait until I was dialated enough and the Dr. came in with his big shot and I was ready!  I had a big nurse with huge boobs.  she was patting my hand as I hunched over and Brad was holding me.  He was looking over my shoulder and so interested in the big needle that he forgot his job to hold me still.  thank God for my big nurse with big boobs.  She scooted Brad out of the way and held me and comforted me.  She was just what I needed.  Then we sat there for a few more hours, watched Melrose Place (in Hawaii, it came on at 2pm).  Then I had my Pip.  He looked like Ernest Borgnine - scrunched up little face.  He was just as precious as my Cole.  Thank you, Lord for this gift! 

Those are my favorite moments - being able to see my sweet boys and bring them into this world.

My First Kiss

Aren't first kisses the best?  I LOVE that feeling - butterflies in my stomach!  Oh and what you can tell by a first kiss! 

I'm not going to count my first kiss with my neighborhood best friend, John, because I think we might have been 3 years old :)

My first kiss was when I think I was in 8th grade with Scott B.  It was at Shannon's church.  It was after youth group and I was waiting for my dad to pick me up and we went and stood by the stairs in the dark.  I knew it was coming and I started shaking.  he asked me if I was cold and I said yes and he gave me his jacket.  We lived in FL - it wasn't cold.  I was just so nervous.  From what I can remember, it was a good kiss but not good enough because he dumped me weeks later for some horrible girl named Amy... lol.

Almost two years ago, I had the best first kiss of my life.  I will never forget it.

My Dreams

I'm so not good at updating, but I'm going to finish this challenge!  I want to thank Kathi and Shannon for laughing at "My Moment" :)  It was one of the funniest days of my life.

Okay - so my dreams.  I'm not sure if I am supposed to talk about what I dream at night or what my dreams in life are, so I'll do a little bit of both.

The dreams I dream at night are always in vivid color.  I also, like everyone else, probably have the weirdest dreams and they make sense while I'm dreaming them but when I wake up and try to tell people about them, they make zero sense.  I do dream a lot about sex and snakes and lately peacocks.  Oh what a dream analyst would make of that. 

As for my dreams for my life, I hope that my boys and I always remain as close as we are. 

I dream of moving back to Florida and to moving back to Hawaii.  I think I could have a home in both places!!!  Why not?

I still dream of being famous - broadway, movies, tv (Glee) or author.  I know some of my friends and family think this is a joke but alas, it's not.  How else will I have a home in Florida AND Hawaii!

I dream of meeting "the one" that God has in store for me.  I so want to be married again (most of the time) to a man who treats me like I deserve to be treated, who loves me - faults and all, who makes me laugh and someone who I can love right back, faults and all and who I can treat like he deserves to be treated.

There you go!  My Dreams

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What I Wore Today

this is a boring entry.  I'm wearing a burgandy dress with a black cardigan and black beaded necklace that I wore yesterday.  blah

Monday, September 13, 2010

This Week

Okay, I'm actually caught up and I can't do the next one because it's "What I Wore Today" and I'd just be repeating myself.  I'll get back to you tomorrow on that.

This week.... let's see... today is so gorgeous outside that I wish I had a lounge chair, a laptop with wireless and a cordless phone.  I'd do all of my work sitting outside. 

This week, I need to catch up on my pending kids from last quarter.  I need to work on budgets for kids who are pending and then catch up on kids traveling in October.

Cole is ordering his class ring this week.  What a milestone.  I can't wait for the payments!  haha!  who knew class rings were like  $400.00? 

Jake and Cole both have Pride meetings today and Wednesday.  Pride is a club that promotes drug and alcohol free teens.  They love it.  I love it.

Jake has tutoring on Tuesday.  Or is it Thursday? 

Jake's 15th birthday is Saturday.  Where in the WORLD did that time go?  My sweet little Pippy isn't so little anymore.

That's my week.  I'll let you know if anything changes.

TD~

What's in my bag

I have a huge Mary Poppins bag - i could keep a lamp, an umbrella, perhaps even a tree in there.  But what is in it, is my phone, 5 lipsticks, my wallet, a bunch of crumpled receipts I need to go through, aspirin, heartburn medicine and notes of things for me to do while at work.  Although I haven't looked at them, so I guess I'm forgetting something.

That's all there is.  Oh yes, my ever present Extra green gum is in there.

My Siblings

I'm on a roll.... I may even catch up to where I should be!

Okay, this is going to be short and sweet.  I know that I should add pictures to my posts to make them more colorful, but if I'm to catch up and not be called Southern names by Kathi, then I must continue on without pictures.

So, I've got an older brother.  I don't talk to him.  Not much to say about that.  I know you all would love to know the juicy details but you won't ever find out, so let's just move on.

I have two step-sisters.  Their momma married my dad.  I love them.  I rarely get to see Linda - maybe once a  year, at Christmas, if they come in town.  I will tell you though that I love being around her when I get the chance.  She is a) gorgeous - she reminds me of Faith Hill and b) she is so stinkin' nice.  She and her family live in TX and I don't get to travel as much as I'd like, so we only see them when they travel here.  I adore her sons, Matt, Luke and Will.  They are such wonderful young men.  I can't believe that they are growing up so fast and are teenagers (almost all of them).  They are fabulous!

My other step-sis Kathy, well, I could go on and on about her.  Some of my readers know her - :)  Kathy is probably one of the nicest, most generous people I've ever met.  She looks nothing like Linda, to me, but is so, so beautiful.  Funny how that is, huh?  They have good genes.  Kathy has four kids and one grandchild, Kate (who is the princess of the family).  Kathy and her husband Jeff are what I want my marriage to look like - if it ever happens.  I'm sure they have their moments, but they stick together and have fun together.  I very much look up to Kathy and I'm happy to call her sister.

What I Wore Today

What I wore today (since I can't remember which day I was supposed to post this, I'm posting what I am wearing today).

I'm wearing a black skirt that is so comfortable, I would wear it every day.  It is cotton and it kind of flares around the knee, a white t-shirt (fitted) and a pink cardigan and black bead necklace.  I look really cute, if I do say so myself!

My Beliefs

I grew up in the Episcopal Church as a baby and child.  As I got older, I went with Susan to her church - a Presbytarian church.  It was so much bigger than our humble little St. Faith's and I loved it there.  There youth group was awesome and we had the best time.  It was just what I needed since St. Faith's had about 10 youth... haha.

Here in Memphis, I started out at what we Memphians lovingly call Six Flags over Jesus - or rather Bellevue.  It is more than humongous - I mean, it's like a football stadium - I got lost every Sunday trying to find the kids at Sunday School.  It was just way too big.  Then we went to Hope.  I really liked it there but it too, became like herding cattle.  So we went to a couple of different churches and finally found our niche at Central North.  The boys and I both felt at home, we were so involved.  Then, stuff happened internally and a lot of us left.  We've been searching for a new church home again.  Right now we are back at Hope, but I've been reading these books and the main character is an Episcopal priest, and I realize I'm missing the way the services are run.  I miss kneeling to pray and taking communion every Sunday. 

Okay - that is where I went to church but what do I believe... well, I could recite the Nicene Creed for you but I won't.  I will tell it to you simply.

I believe that the Bible is the written word of God. 
I believe that Jesus is my personal Saviour and that he was born of the virgin Mary, was crucified and was resurrected after 3 days and ascended into heaven.
I believe that in order to get into heaven, you have to ask Jesus into your heart and to have Him forgive your sins.
I believe in the Holy Trinity.

I am by no means perfect and ask for forgiveness daily.  These are my core beliefs.  I try to live by the 10 commandments and all that Jesus taught.  I fail miserably, but I know that I am forgiven.  Christ died to wash away my sins.  How awesome is that?

A Moment

Okay, I'm on a roll.

So, a moment in my life.  I'm going to tell this story and none of you will laugh like I did, except for Lisa.

While I was in Hawaii, Lisa and I decided to try out for Grease.  It is my favorite movie and hers, too.  The community theatre was putting it on, so we got the husbands to watch the kids and we practiced our songs and limbered up and went.

We get there to see a bunch of teens auditioning.  Okay, we were young - early twenties, so we weren't that much older than them but we could see that we were maybe not what they were looking for - oh yeah and every single person besides us was Hawaiian.  So, we sing our songs.  I sang "There are worse things I could do" - the one Rizzo sang - love it!!!  I can't remember what Lise sang.

Then they broke us into groups of like, six and the choreographer taught us a dance.  It was fast with lots of spinning, etc.  Lisa and I just looked at each other like deer caught in the headlights.  Holy crap!  There is no way I was going to learn this in five minutes.  We whispered and decided maybe we should sneak out and call it a night but then we decided to JUST DO IT!

Right, so, a couple of groups went and I'm trying to remember every little step as I watch.  Then it's Lisa's turn.  OMG - I can't even begin to tell you what in the world she did.  She started out okay, but then lost her way, so she broke it down like any white girl would do.  I was laughing so hard from behind the curtain that I had tears streaming down my face.  I don't know that I've truly laughed as hard as that before or since then.  Except for talking with her about it afterwards - because, she was laughing just as hard at me from the audience when it was my turn.

So, my group was called.  I knew I couldn't do it, I tried but quickly failed so I took off leaping across the stage - and then leaped back across the stage.  I figured that I didn't want to blend in with all the others, so I might as well stand out.  Most of the audience had their mouths dropped open.  Lisa was crying with laughter and the directors had really confused looks on their faces.  I took my bow and we left.

Several days later, we both got the call.  We had not been cast.  I'm still not sure why.

My Best Friend(s)

Wow, I really stink at this challenge thing.  Way to go with the discipline, Tracy!
I'm way behind and it is going to take me some time to catch up. 

I'm writing today about my best friend(s).  There are several women in my life who are my besties.  I wouldn't be who I am today without their friendship, understanding, prayers and love.

I'm going to start with who I've known the longest and go from there.

My sister Susan.  I've known this girl since the first grade.  We quickly became friends and have stayed the closest of friends since then.  We have so many memories together and such good times.  This woman has been with me every single step of my life and still loves me.  I don't really know why.  When I lost my way for years, she still prayed for me and still loved me and never, ever gave up on me.  I know I caused her pain and I am so sorry for that.  Susan is not my actual sister but my PaPa called her that because we were inseparable growing up.  If I could have asked for a sister, it would have been Susan.  We are also the Dolphin Twins.  We also will have houses next door to each other one day so we can grow old together - rocking in our rocking chairs on the porch (in Florida, of course).  Susan, I can't thank you enough for bringing me to church with you, for showing me that I am a child of God and that He loves me.  Thank you for showing me what it is like to be a woman after God's own heart and for living a life like Christ - He is shown through you for sure.  You are so dear to me, my sister Susan, I love you with everything in me!

Then we have Robin - I've known her since, gosh, I don't know when we met - but we were fast friends as well.  I remember me, Susan, Robin and Wendy going back and forth and changing best friends as only silly school girls will.  Oh the memories of TVR and Focus and all the boys we had crushes on in Youth Group.  Robin and I have kept in touch over the years but it wasn't until about two years ago (ugggh - help me out here, Rob) that we reconnected and have been close ever since.  We have really been able to help each other through some rough spots and have laughed so hard we've cried and cried so hard we couldn't talk.  She also sends me random "happies" in the mail - like clothes for the boys from her hubbies closet and a book and Panera or Dunkin :)  What's not to love about that?  PLUS, we are on a body changing mission.  Robin, I don't know what I would have done without you - especially this past year.  You know what I mean.  I love you.

Then there is the other Susan.  Susan taught my boys in pre-school when we first moved to Memphis.  I thought my sweet little Jake looked so cute in his corduroy overalls at age 3.  She said he couldn't wear them anymore because he couldn't get them off quick enough to go to the bathroom.  Slave driver.  Her boys and my boys became friends and are still best friends to this day.  Susan and I are like oil and water.  Haha!  We often joke that we don't know how we became friends because our beliefs in pretty much every single facet of life are completely opposite.  I'm right wing and she is left wing, etc etc.  I could really go on and on.  The thing is, we love each other in spite of her being wrong about pretty much everything.  I'm so generous like that.  We can spend all day working together and then hours on the phone at night talking about religion, sex or lack there of, and the meaning of life.  One of my favorite Susan memories is having stayed up late playing cards and walking down the beach (after alcohol had been consumed) and pondering how small we really are while looking at the vast expanse of the sky, stars and ocean.  This was at 3am and probably not the smartest time to be walking down the beach but it was still fun.  She has heard it all from me - whether she wants to or not.  She gives good advice and really I don't know what I would have done without her here in Memphis.  It can be a lonely town.  Love you Susan!

And last but certainly not least is my girl Kathi Jo Dorthea.  I do not remember how many years it's been but it's been quite awhile since we met.... through AOL.  But I first met Kathi on a Labor Day weekend when she and her mom drove out for her to audition for AI.  As they were driving, the auditions were cancelled - I can't remember why though.  Bless her heart - she took a 13 hour roadtrip for nothing.... except, we became even closer.  We had a blast in Gatlinburg several years ago... where she almost made me lose my tongue by trying Habinero pepper salsa.  We also found the vibrating footprint or something in the Aquarium.... I loved that!  And how can I forget the Haunted House.... I don't know how I got stuck in the front of the line, but she and the boys managed to push me there.  We had someone try to come between us a couple of years back but what that person didn't understand was that OUR friendship is the real deal.  I didn't need their crap and neither did she.  I can talk to Kathi about anything.  I have a book somewhere of "Kathi-isms" that one day, I should publish - she's so Southern that I just love how she talks.  Kathi - I love you for so many reasons. 

Thank you girls for being so good to me, for listening to me complain, for standing by my side, for praying for me, for advice even when I don't want it, for making me laugh and making my life complete.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

My Day

My day..... well..... it's been interesting.  First off, I'd like to say that I've lost 17 lbs. in the last month or two.  thank you very much.  I went to the gym this morning - not to work out, just to get my weight.  I looked at the scale, cocked my head and started over.  I wasn't seeing things, didn't need glasses... I'd dropped the weight.  I guess the exercising almost daily is working. 

My friend Michele told me about this fast/cleansing and I decided to do it.  It sucks.  I'm hungry... lol.  But I'm halfway through day one - only 4 1/2 more to go.

I have SO much work to do and I'm procrastinating.  I don't know why.  I know that if I just dig in, the day will go by faster and I'll be home before I know it. 

Have I mentioned I'm hungry? 

I need some good books to read as well.  My friend Michele mentioned the Host by Stephanie Meyer - or whatever her names is - of Twilight fame.  I definitely want to read that.

I need more suggestions, though. 

That's all I've got for today.... if something else happens, I will come back and edit.

Almost Friday!!!!

My Definition of Love

I know, I'm off a day.... so busy at work and when I get home the last thing I want to do is get on the computer.  So I guess I'm failing this challenge... haha!

So I have to give you my definition of love.  I truly believe what the Bible says about love.  I know it is the most overused Bible verse for weddings, but I think that if you love someone the way you "should" love would be this way.  Of course, everyone has their moments when they get angry and hold a grudge.  Sometimes its hard to trust.  But I think this is how we should love our mate.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
 
I've also always loved this poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning and I do NOT like poetry... :
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.


I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, -I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.
 
I've always wanted to love someone so passionately for all my days.  I mean I don't want to smother someone with love but I want that mad, deep love - but also someone to stand by me always.  Someone I trust completely, someone who makes me laugh, someone who just likes to be with me. 
 
So, there you have it.  A tiny glimpse.  I'm so not good at this.